Is Loneliness Holding You Back? Practical Ways to Build Confidence Through Connection
Do you feel connected to your community and the people around you? Do you have meaningful social connections and interactions? Many people don’t. Loneliness is an epidemic in the US. According to US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, “loneliness and isolation represent profound threats to our health and well-being.” Even pre-COVID, one in two Americans reported feelings of loneliness. Feelings of loneliness and isolation can bring longer-term effects, such as depression, stress, and even premature death. It can also shatter our confidence and make it hard to take positive action to move forward, both personally and professionally. When we feel less of a sense of loneliness and more of a connection to our community, we feel more supported and are more likely to make positive changes in our own lives. How can we remedy these feelings of loneliness and feel more connected and confident?
Quick Tips to Feel Less Isolated
We all hear about how our collective addiction to social media takes us away from being present in real life and can contribute to loneliness and depression. And, the quality of the connections we make on social media often isn’t as good as the connections we make in real life. It is often more transactional — likes, comments, followbacks — and less deep than other forms of communication. This doesn’t mean we need to get off social media completely (though, personally, I do notice that I am happier when I minimize my social media consumption.) Instead, we can take small steps each day to feel less isolated and less lonely.
The 5-for-5 Connection Challenge: Building Relationships in Small Steps
In 2023, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued the 5-for-5 connection challenge, in which he encouraged people to pick 5 actions to complete over 5 days in a row to feel more connected to the people in their lives. Actions could be as simple as expressing gratitude, offering help and support, and asking for help. For instance, you could express gratitude to a colleague for their help, offer to assist a friend with a task, or ask for help or advice from a family member. Completing such actions with people you know offers you a chance to connect and interact.
But even planning one task a day can sometimes seem overwhelming. We may need to focus on one thing at a time.
Face-to-Face Interactions
Face-to-face interactions offer a richness and depth that text messaging or video conferencing simply can't match. The shared environment, body language, and real-time context of the conversation all contribute to a more meaningful connection. Remember those moments when you're out with a friend, something unexpected happens, and you share a laugh? These are the moments that deepen relationships and build connections, and they're hard to replicate online or by text.
If face-to-face interactions with friends and colleagues are not possible on a daily basis, it can be helpful to go out somewhere and interact with strangers. Perhaps instead of using the self-checkout at the grocery store, you go to a checkout line with a human attendant, giving you the chance to interact with someone face to face, but in a low-stakes environment.
Eye Contact
One of the simplest ways to connect is through eye contact. You don’t have to maintain eye contact throughout a conversation, but making occasional connections can be powerful. A brief moment of eye contact when saying 'hello' or 'thank you' can be surprisingly effective in fostering a connection.
Give a Compliment
Complimenting somebody else — saying something kind to them in person — can brighten their day and positively affect you as well. Giving someone else a moment of happiness or recognition and experiencing that reaction fosters connection.
Help Someone
Offer help to others. Something as simple as getting something down from the top shelf at the grocery store for someone who can’t reach it can do so much for you and for the person you helped. It is a way for us to feel like we are all part of one community and that we are in this together.
On a deeper level, anticipating the needs of a friend or family member and meeting those needs for them makes them feel seen and can deepen your connection to that person. Deep connections can help us feel grounded and can stave off the feelings of loneliness that so many people feel.
Ask for Help
By asking for help when you need it, and showing gratitude when you receive it, you're not just getting the assistance you need. You're also expressing that you value the other person's input and insight, which can deepen your connection.
Focus on the Quality of Your Interactions, Not the Quantity
More interactions or connections will not necessarily help with loneliness. We could have hundreds of interactions per dayon social media but not make one meaningful connection. Instead, to fight loneliness, we need to think about the qualityof those interactions. Are we connecting deeply with people around us and finding joy in those interactions?
“It’s so clear that in those final moments of life when only the most meaningful strands of our existence remain, it’s the people that rise to the top ... and we don’t have to wait till the end of our life to realize that we can start acting on that wisdom right now.”
Building Community to Combat Loneliness: It’s Not About Ourselves
According to Dr. Murthy, getting past loneliness has to do more with external forces than internal forces. To combat loneliness, we need to build relationships, provide acts of service, and build community. By connecting to something bigger than ourselves, we find purpose and joy. We can begin to end those feelings of loneliness.
What steps will you take to feel more connected?
Is loneliness affecting your confidence? Do you need help making a plan to feel more connected and build your community? Confidence coaching may be for you! Schedule your free consultation with Gentle Fearless Coaching and Consulting and to see if confidence coaching is right for you!
* This article is informational and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. If you are experiencing feelings of depression, please reach out to a mental health professional. Below are links for lifeline resources found on the Health and Human Services Website:
Lifeline Resources
If you are experiencing an emergency, get immediate support (available 24/7):
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (Call 988)
Línea 988 de Prevención del Suicidio y Crisis: (llama 988)
Chat with trained crisis counselors: 988 Lifeline Chat and Text
Haga clic aquí para acceder al chat en español
The Trevor Project (Call at 1-866-488-7386)
Chat with trained counselors
Text ‘START’ to 678-678
The National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline (RAINN – Call at 1-800-656-4673)
Chat with a trained staff member